Thursday, June 13, 2013

Coming Back to Life

It has been so long since I have written here that I am a little nervous to post anything. Awhile back I decided to shut it down and take a break from blogging. The things that were on my mind and in my heart didn't feel very safe to share out loud, so I decided to keep it in and I think that has not been a very good thing for me. It has sort of left a void needing to be filled. So even though it is scary, here goes: When I first started blogging I thought I could blog about homemaking and meals and groceries and saving money and recipes and Pinterest stuff. I thought I could write about being a great wife. I thought I could write about couponing and my faith and my journey in life. But here's the thing the finished product felt manufactured. So here are some things that I would like to share with you, with those of you who read my blog and care what I have to say on here.
Confession #1 I tried really hard to make all of those homemade cleaners and keep using them, but after trying them this is what I found: It is just not my thing, I felt like I had to keep up with all of this stuff and I would run out and the bottle would sit empty for weeks. So this is what I do now:I go buy a big bottle of All Free and Clear Oxy and a big bottle of Snuggle and original scent Gain dryer sheets. Does it cost more? Yes it does, but my clothes come out clean, and they smell the way that I like for them to smell. And that makes me happy. I buy most of my cleaning products through the Honest Company(and the rest at Target), because I like them, they are non toxic and they smell wonderful. They have an essentials bundle and I decided that it would be something that I would fit into my budget. I get my little box every 8 weeks and the products last for a while so I can change up what I get or even just skip a delivery. And that makes me happy. I am NOT that person that makes everything myself and that is okay with me.

Second confession: I hate cleaning my house and the only reason I do is because the one thing I hate more than cleaning is a mess. So there you have it.

Third Confession: I have not couponed in months and not only that I shop mostly at Whole Foods and the Farmer's Market. Does it cost more? Yes it does. Do I care? Yes a little I do, but my family is eating healthier, real foods for the first time ever and the food is so much better. My poor IBS stomach has never been happier and I rarely have the stomach problems that I used to struggle with daily. I am learning and reading and hopefully will be able to cook more things on my own in the future. But right now I am spending a little more to keep my sanity.

Fourth Confession: Faith. Church. Christianity. Culture Wars. Politics. These are all really tough issues for me. More on this later.

Fifth Confession: I am never satisfied. One day I want to go live on a farm and the next I want to be a missionary and the next I want to go live in a small beach town. I rearrange furniture and the stuff in my house always thinking how awesome this new arrangement is only to be sick of it 3 months later, so I move it again. One week I am following the cleaning schedule I have made and the next week I just want to throw it away and forget about being so organized.I am a restless soul and I always have been. So instead of taking this to mean that I am never happy with anything, I think it means that I am a constant seeker and I hope that when all is said and done that my life will have been better for it.

Sixth Confession: I love my kids but sometimes I have no idea how to juggle four kids with such a wide age range. I wonder often if I have gotten in over my head and maybe I should give one of them away. But which would it be? I mean I could put the teen years off for a little while or I could finally be out of the toddler years. I am joking of course, I could never be away from my kids. They can drive me insane, but there is a gift that I get to open from each of them every day and I may only get a quick glimpse of it, but I grab the essence of it and I hold it close to my heart. I keep pushing and trying my best to do a good job and nurture and train them up to be awesome. Because I want my kids to be compassionate and loving and to follow their dreams.

Seventh Confession: My health has not been so great lately. I have an autoimmune disease that attacks my thyroid and I will have to take a pill everyday for the rest of my life.(I am not a fan of taking medicine) In the meantime until it gets back on track, I am dealing with being tired, my hair falls out and is brittle,I am often tired, low energy and suck at doing pretty much anything.  I have anxiety attacks and I am dealing with depression. I hope that it will be something that subsides, but if not I will deal with it and I may even blog about it. Some days are good and some days are bad, but I am going to try and I am going to be the fighter that I have always been and push through it.

Eighth Confession: I am going to keep writing and I don't know what this blog will be about and I may upset some people with some of the things that I say. But I don't want to be silent anymore. You will likely not find anymore posts about couponing or cleaning. Those are things one does out of necessity and those things may be someones passion, but they are certainly not mine. My passions are writing, reading, learning, listening, growing, parenting, being a good partner for my husband, loving people that I don't even freaking know, caring about how people feel, saying things that are kind and not letting ugly things slip from my mouth, and lastly being an honest truth teller (see Momastery for more on this)and doing it in the kindest possible way.

Lastly this: I spent two hours this morning trying to get all of the fru fru crap off of my blog. I am not good at all this formatting stuff. Until I can afford to have someone design my site, we are going to K.I.S.S. here. Keeping it simple, not trying to impress anyone.  I hope you will like it!